The Association 2017 Preseason Overview (Pre-Draft)
Aug 23, 2017
by Chase Gage
Brookland, ARK — The Association is one of the greatest fantasy football leagues in the continental United States. If you don’t know them yet, you’re missing out.
Teams and Their Owners
The Original Nine
- Commissioner Kevin Hulett, Hulett the Dogs Out
- Chase Gage, Slingshot enGAGE
- Dylan Ferrell, Chillin Like a Dylan
- Devon Newton, Team Kick Ass
- Ingaural Champions
- John “Duke” Lipsky, Brass Knucks
- Cleo Henry Jr., Team Henry
- Two-Time Defending Champions
- Houston Wrinkles, Team Wrinkles
- Matthew Gilmer, Golden Gomers
- Corey Chesser, Enrique’s Space Cadets
2015 Expansion Teams
- Drake Rainwater, Casey Dick
- William “Shaq” Ford, Sauced Spaghetti
- Colby Holladay, The Uninjured Reserves
Preseason Overview (In Order of 2016 Finish)
- Team Henry
- The two-time defending champion Team Henry hopes to make it a three-peat this season after dominating the league for most of its existence. Owner and GM CJ Henry has proven that, despite being a dirty rotten cheater, he is one of the elite executives in this league. No matter what, the Henry’s are always a threat week in and week out. Will someone put this dynasty to an end?
- Team Wrinkles
- Another one of the most hated teams in the league, Team Wrinkles looks to continue its success in this, the greatest football league in the world. Hatred only comes to the successful by the less successful, and Owner/GM Houston Wrinkles is one of the most successful in the game. The Wrinkles came as close as they ever have to a championship last year but fell just short in the final minutes. Do they have what it takes to bounce back this season? I wouldn’t put it past Team Wrinkles.
- Team Kick Ass
- Team Kick Ass may be the most dangerous team in the history of this league though they are second in total championships. The Asses have proven that they can win regular season games and make deep playoff runs no matter who is on the roster. CEO Devon Newton is one of the best in the business when it comes to finding talent and setting winning rosters. He does his homework and makes nearly straight A’s. This is a team that makes opponents sweat when they see them on the schedule. Expect that trend to continue through 2017. The Asses are on a revenge tour after being ousted in the semi-finals last season. Remember Tom Brady’s revenge tour?
- The Uninjured Reserves
- One of the surprise teams last year, the Reserves made the best of their second year in the league despite over 100 injuries (real stat) to their starters throughout the season. Uninjured was part of the first ever Association expansion in the summer of 2015 that saw the addition of three teams and the removal of one. Of those expansion teams, Uninjured was the least expected to finish in the top four, yet here they are. Top Executive Colby Holladay has proven that he can win with whatever Reserves he is given, and is thus a legitimate contender in this league.
- Hulett The Dogs Out
- Ah, the Lovable Commish. If he weren’t so loveable or the commish, I might say some rude things here like how he’s a manipulative master of trade rip-offs and under the table collusion, but he’s so darn lovable. And he’s the commish. The Dogs Out are always a sleeper team in that you never know when they will explode. They may lie dormant for stretches of the regular season as they plot and wait for their plan to come to fruition, but you can never count them out. Stockpiling great assets for cheap is Commissioner Hulett’s game and no one plays the game quite like he can. Even if this team starts a season 1-7, they will always be a legitimate threat to make the playoffs. Once they’re in, they’re as much of a threat as any team.
- Sauced Spaghetti
- One of the…strangest teams in the league, Sauced is a team you don’t want to see on your schedule. Though at times the Spaghettis make ridiculous moves and start players you’ve never even heard of, they are always a threat to dominate any given week. This is a team that will win a game by 30 points one week, lose by 2 the next week, win by 7 the next week, then lose by 25 with all their best players in the game. Commander in Chief Sgt. Col. Pvt. Mr. Dr. Rev. William “Shaquille” Ford is one of the craziest, most loving owners in the game. His players never know if he is going to punch them in the face or kiss them on the lips, and it’s that kind of craziness that elevates his players to the level they have reached. If you play Sauced, just hope you don’t get Shaqed.
- Enrique’s Space Cadets
- The Space Cadets have gone by many names over the years, but everyone knows who they are. They’ve made a name for themselves even if no one knows which name it is. In fact, I would say it’s possible that this team has had more names than losses in the past three seasons. How many teams can say that? Enrique is a team that struggles to find its identity throughout the regular season, but is always a legitimate threat to win any given game, no matter what the stakes. This is a team that you can never count out until their running back only needs two more yards to win the game for him and then they take a knee resulting in a tie. President of Football Operations Corey Chesser is one of the best, most unstable executives that this league has to offer. Watch out for the Cadets/Whatever They Will Be Named This Years to make a run at their first-ever championship this season.
- Slingshot enGAGE
- Possibly the most unpredictable team in the league, Slingshot has had as many close calls as anyone. After a loss in the inaugural semifinals to the eventual first champion, Slingshot made their way to the title game in their second year, only to lose to Team Henry because they sat Emmanuel Sanders. Last season in a rematch of the 2015 championship, the enGAGEs were a mere two yards/one less interception away from putting Team Henry out of playoff contention. Too bad Phillip Rivers is absolute garbage. The game ended in a tie which left the door open for Team Henry to make the playoffs in the final game of the season, which ultimately resulted in his second championship in two years. Slingshot is a team to always look out for, as they tend to either win or lose by double digits every week. Last season, Slingshot had three of the top five scoring games as well as two of the three lowest scoring games (and the lowest in league history). Can they ever form some sort of consistency? Consistently inconsistent is a form of consistency, no?
- Casey Dick
- Casey Dick was the quarterback for the Arkansas Razorbacks from 2006 to 2009. This is not that Casey Dick. This is the new name of the team owned by philanthropist Drake Rainwater. This is another expansion team that has really yet to find an identity in this league. At the beginning of last season, this team looked as if it had what it takes to win the championship. However, by the end of the season, the Dicks traded Mike Evans to Team Henry in return for an expired coupon for $1.00 off any Sonic cheeseburger. Will Casey bounce back this year and set their lineup and take it seriously? Only time will tell.
- Golden Gomers
- The Gomers were down on their luck last year. After finishing with the best record in 2015, the Gomers finished near the bottom in their encore. The President of Mustache Swagger and Supreme Leader of the Golden Gomes Matthew David Ruben Gilmer is one of the best in the game despite a down year last year. This is a rough and tough, old school style team that likes to line up and “hit you in the mouth” (as the late, great Coach Mills would say). You can never count these scrappers out. Look for the Gomers to bounce back this season.
- Brass Knucks
- Jeramy Knuckles aka Brass Knucks is a team that, when GM John Lipsky takes seriously, is a solid contender in this league. Sure, there are weeks where they may start an injured quarterback. Sure, they may forget to start a kicker sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with that. It helps the rest of us out at least. If the Knucks play their cards right, they can have another successful season like 2015. Hopefully, they won’t and they have another 2016 because it’ll make it easier on everyone else to win that money.
- Chillin Like a Dylan
- Poor Dylans. You know the Cleveland Browns? The Brooklyn Nets? The Brookland Bearcats? Chillin is another team you can add to that list. They try their absolute hardest, but it seems like destiny just isn’t on their side lately. Chief Executive Filipino Dylan Ferrell is one of the best at getting screwed over on a weekly basis. We all hope that the Dylans can bounce back this year. It’s good for this league, and I’m sure it will do wonders for the mental health of the organization and its fans.
Proposed Rule Changes
- The Association will charge league dues of $20 per team. The money will be awarded based on final standings. The rationing of the award money will be decided on by the owners if passed.
- In result of a tie, the team with the highest scoring individual player will be awarded the win.
- The team that loses the last-place playoff game is subject to punishment, decided on by the owners before the start of the season. The punishment will be carried out at the conclusion of the next season’s draft.
A proposed rule change requires seven votes (majority) to pass.
Fully Briefed Proposals:
All proposed rule changes will be voted on by the owners at 6:30 P.M. CST on Wednesday, August 23, 2017. The 2017 Draft order will be revealed at this time as well.
The draft will be held immediately after, scheduled to start at 7:30 P.M.