Some of you may think that my method of selecting a bracket based on which mascot would win in a fight seems dumb.
Take a look at your bracket (if it’s not in the trash already) and then look at mine. How much better is your “analysis” and “common sense” now?
In the first round, out of 32 games, my method produced 18 correct picks. On top of that, it got seven of the 16 second-round matchups correct. (If you missed it, click here for the First Round of the Mascot Challenge!)
But all of that is in the past. Let’s get on to the Mascot Challenge Round of 32.
Round of 32
Kansas State Wildcats vs UMBC Retrievers
I PREDICTED THE GREATEST UPSET IN COLLEGE BASKETBALL HISTORY. GIVE THIS METHOD SOME SERIOUS CREDIT. Anyway, Dogs are better than Cats. UMBC keeps rolling.
Kentucky Wildcats vs Buffalo Bulls
Let it be noted that I 100% predicted this matchup too. Still think this method doesn’t work?
Michael Jordan was a Bull. Troy Bolton was a Wildcat. Who would you take in that matchup?
Miami Hurricane vs Wright State Raiders
Good luck trying to steal things with 150 mph winds. Even if you get ahold of some stuff, it’ll all blow away (like Miami hopes their Arkansas State lawsuit will).
Nevada Wolfpack vs Georgia State Panthers
Wolves vs Panthers is interesting. I know I said Dogs are better than cats, but in this case, the cats win. Just like Sex Panther cologne. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
Georgia State Wins
Florida State Seminoles vs Xavier Musketeers
This is the third matchup that is completely correct. How’s your bracket looking? Though the Musketeers weapons are slightly superior, the war techniques of the Seminoles keep them alive.
Florida State Wins
SDSU Jackrabbits vs UNCG Spartans
If a Spartan struggled in a fight against a Jackrabbit, it wouldn’t be a Spartan.
San Diego State Aztecs vs Montana Grizzlies
Now on to a very interesting fight. Since San Diego State is the higher seed, I will assume this battle takes place on their turf. It would be much too warm pf a climate for a Grizzly bear to properly fight, thus the Aztecs are able to stay alive to fight another day.
San Deigo State Wins
Texas A&M Aggies vs Lipscomb Bisons
The Aggies may be able to farm and shoot guns, but these Bison are in the trampling business.
Alabama Crimson Tide vs Radford Highlanders
Though the Highlanders have the high ground, the high tide just happens to be rolling in. Pun intended. Roll on, algae infestation.
West Virginia Mountaineers vs Marshall Thundering Herd
Those mountain men can’t contain an entire HERD of Thunder! Besides, how could a team with Matthew McConaughey as their coach ever lose?
This is another real-life matchup, by the way. I’m killing these upsets.
Florida Gators vs Texas Tech Red Raiders
Gators would eat these fools before they knew what hit them. They are from Texas, after all.
Arkansas Razorbacks vs CSU Fullerton Titans
A Titan could eat 1000 pounds of bacon and not even be full. Sorry, Hogs.
CSU Fullerton Wins
Seton Hall Pirates vs Penn Quakers
The Quakers are a simple, peaceful people. The Pirates, drunk on rum, would pillage their entire colony with no regrets.
Seton Hall Wins
Auburn Tigers vs Clemson Tigers
I like Clemson’s colors more, and I’ve never been a big Charles Barkley fan. So the Tigers from South Carolina win over the Tigers from Alabama. That sounds odd.
Michigan State Spartans vs Arizona State Sun Devils
The Spartans are tough, but the Sun Devils are supernatural. They burn up their latest victims before they know what hit them (it being a likely FBI investigation).
Arizona State Wins
Duke Blue Devils vs Rhode Island Rams
My bracket is much better than yours, and mine is a joke.
The Devils sacrifice the Rams, duh. That’s textbook Devil stuff, isn’t it?
Make sure to check back in for the Sweet 16 and Elite Eight matchups!